I'm looking to hire a magician to be my friend. This is a great opportunity for a novice in the art of illusion because if you mess up, it works. The big gig will be bringing you to a family get together, where you will be introduced as a friend and you will perform illusions under the guise that you are only a friend and not a hired performer, that being said I'm going to have to hire you a few times before the big gig so we can become friends. Que montage music. This is the part in the story where we bond and discover our love for the art, no hanky panky, strictly platonic, strictly magic. Maybe we build an act that is so elaborate that me being part of the family is the deep con as an insider facilitating the performance driven friend. Now, my stupid sister may ask if I hired you to perform at my mom's birthday party, the answer should not include the compensation but instead a slight monologue where you describe that we met on Craigslist, which is not unusual because my family knows that this website is my bread and butter. Anyways back to the ad. So, the big gig is to perform such an illusion that from that moment forward my mother will have a difficult time discerning reality and I can then acquire the Lamp my great uncle got in Persia (I'm not sure if that is culturally appropriate but that's what my family says). Now, my family also says that there is only one wish left so I'm going to have to make it quick. Here is where you have to step up your game. You'll need to pull every trick you have out of your hat metaphorical and possibly physical to divert attention from me activating its special powers. It's nothing as easy as just rubbing the lamp, that's hog posh, the procedure to bestow us with its last wish looks more like a seance than a polishing of the good silver. He hasn't been woken up since 1987 and back then it took my uncle a while. Now I'm going to have to warn you the dude inside is a dick. A serious asshole, he does speak english but reluctantly. After I state my lineage and how I'm the last blood line for the three wishes he will then grant me mine. But then there is this problem where a new blood line must take possession of the lamp or he won't grant me my heritage wish. And that's what my stupid family has been arguing about for the last 40 years. Now, I'm willing to transfer power to the right candidate as long as you are not related to my sister's evil husband Jeff. Anyways, the job pays $20 an hour for five hours for the first three times we hang out. So, $100 three different times. Now for the big gig I could pay you $400 but I'm pretty much giving you a lamp so I think we'll just call it even. Reply through this email. Unless you're related to Jeff