Feed Me
There is a sayn' "Don't bite the hand that feeds you" which I know is an old one that everyone says, but it confuses me. I know the origin has something to do with capital gains tax but what confuses me is why would someone be feeding someone else? I've seen it in cartoons but do people still do that? Is there a market where people hand feed other people, like parents feed little kids? If so, I'm interested in being fed. I'm not sure what the going rate is for someone to feed someone else with their very hands or maybe I guess a fork, I see that sometimes in movies, somebody feeding somebody else some dessert with a fork saying something like "you got to try this" and then the other person goes "mmm delicious." But I'm pretty sure that they're in a relationship so I don't think they pay one other to feed each other. Anyways if you're interested in feeding me, just send me an email and we can negotiate prices cuz I'm not sure how that even works. Would you charge by the hour or by the bite and does it cost more if you feed me in a public place or at a residence? I'm assuming that if we eat in a public area then I'm going to just pay for the food, but does it cost more cuz the food is more expensive? Would I have to pay you more because we're at a fancy place while you are feeding me? Just like how you have to tip more money because it's a fancy restaurant and the food is expensive so the percentage of tip is the same versus I don't have to tip at all if I go to McDonald's? Money is not an issue, I'm not a cheapskate, I'm about to get really rich because somebody chopped off my hands and I typed this whole thing out with my nose. I'm just waiting for the money to get in and then I'll be able to pay you. So for our first couple months while the lawyers are still settling out things I'm going to kind of just need you to feed me on credit. I'm just getting really tired of ordering doordash with my nose and opening it with my teeth and eating like it's a trough. At least I have a voice to text so I don't have to type it all out with my nose I just push the microphone button. I just have to speak very concise and clear or I spend a lot of time using the backspace button with my nose and it kind of looks like I'm head banging and it can get pretty embarrassing even though I'm alone. I can pay you underneath the table I don't want you to have to pay for capital gains tax either. Shoot me an email. And by the way I will not bite you. I forgot that's what I started this whole thing with.